Robin Thomas on Why Chasing Happiness Keeps You Stuck and How to Break Free

Today's blog post was inspired by a recent episode of The Great Connect Podcast, where The Human Array founder Carrie Allen sat down with Robin Thomas, spiritual GPS and happiness coach, to explore the relentless pursuit of happiness—and how it can actually hold us back from living fully.

In that episode, the discussion turned toward authenticity—what it means to let go of “shoulds,” expectations, and performance, and to finally meet the unedited version of yourself.

Why Chasing Happiness Keeps You Stuck

Most of us are taught to aim for happiness as if it’s a permanent destination. We set goals, push through discomfort, and measure our success by how often we feel good. The unspoken message is: If you’re not happy, something is wrong.

But what if that constant chase is the very thing keeping us from the deeper joy we’re looking for? The harder we work to avoid discomfort, the more disconnected we can become from ourselves.

Sometimes the mask we wear to “fit in” becomes so convincing that even we forget what’s underneath.

The authentic self—the one unshaped by “shoulds” and expectations—waits quietly, wondering when it will be safe to emerge. True fulfillment isn’t about silencing that self, but bringing it forward.

When I finally figured that out, then I was like, 'Okay, maybe I'm not broken. Maybe it's okay to be me as-is.' When I could claim that, when I could own it, then I was like, 'People need this. They need to know that they're amazing as is.' —Robin Thomas

The Hidden Wisdom of the Inner Critic

Most people see the inner critic as an obstacle to be defeated. It’s the voice that insists you’re not ready, not enough, or already too late. But there’s another way to see it: as a messenger.

When that voice grows especially loud, it might be signaling a drift away from what’s true for you. In those moments, instead of simply shutting it down, you can pause and ask, What is this really trying to tell me?

By reframing the inner critic as a compass rather than a saboteur, it becomes a tool for self-awareness.

Over time, this shift can soften its grip, replacing self-punishment with self-guidance.

I spent a lot of my years, a lot of my life, thinking that there was something fundamentally broken within me... I've always been this sort of spastically joyful person, and I truly thought there was something wrong with me because of it. —Robin Thomas

You Can’t Have Joy Without Sadness

Happiness isn’t the opposite of pain. It exists alongside it. Joy is richer when it’s allowed to sit next to sadness, just as peace means more when it’s learned in the company of fear.

You don't have joy without sadness. You don't have peace without fear. You don't have happiness without anger. They're the same emotion... It's the flip side of the coin. —Robin Thomas

We live in a culture that often encourages the suppression of “negative” emotions. But numbing pain inevitably numbs pleasure.

The work, then, is not to avoid the hard feelings but to make space for all of them—to let sadness, anger, and fear have their place without letting them take over the whole room.

Start Where You Actually Have Influence

In a hyperconnected world, it’s easy to feel the weight of every crisis. Many people try to carry the whole world’s pain on their shoulders. The intention is noble—but often unsustainable.

Real change begins in smaller, more immediate circles: in our families, our friendships, our communities.

By tending to the spaces where our presence has the most impact, we create ripples that can extend far beyond what we’ll ever see.

The truth is, you don’t need to hold space for the entire world. You need to hold space for your world—the people, places, and relationships where your energy can actually land and take root.

We were never meant to hold space for the world. We're meant to hold space for our tribe, our immediate circle... We're not meant to hold space for the world, and so doing so makes it... overwhelming. Your heart hurts... be a responsible citizen by tending to your needs and your immediate tribe. —Robin Thomas

Ancient Tools for Modern Healing

Some of the most profound transformations come from practices that have been with us for centuries. Ho’oponopono, the Hawaiian art of forgiveness, is one of them.

Ho'oponopono is a Hawaiian practice of forgiveness, and it's ancient, so it's got some baked in energy magic to it already. —Robin Thomas

At its core, it’s simple: four phrases—I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.—spoken with intention.

But don’t mistake simplicity for ease. Looking yourself in the eye and saying “I love you” can be one of the hardest steps to take.

Over time, though, this practice has the power to dissolve self-judgment, heal fractured relationships, and restore a sense of inner peace.

In a modern world that rewards speed and distraction, Ho’oponopono invites us to slow down, meet ourselves fully, and clear what’s been weighing us down.

The Rise of the Wisdom Keepers

We’re living in a time when more people—especially women—are stepping into life stages marked by clarity, sovereignty, and unapologetic truth. This “crone” phase is often misunderstood, but it’s less about endings and more about consolidation.

There's now four generations of women who are in some level of hormonal changes—perimenopause, menopause, post-menopause... For the first time in history, we have more women who don't give a shit... That gives us permission to not be so compliant. —Robin Thomas

It’s a life stage rich with perspective, discernment, and the ability to see beyond surface appearances.

As more people embrace this phase rather than resist it, they model a kind of leadership rooted in lived experience. And that leadership is reshaping the cultural narrative, making room for depth, authenticity, and connection over compliance.

Coming Home

Meeting yourself—fully, without editing—isn’t about reaching some perfect state.

It’s about letting the masks drop, greeting each part of yourself with compassion, and remembering you were never broken in the first place.

When you stop chasing an idealized version of happiness, you make space for something more enduring: the kind of joy that comes from being deeply at home in your own skin. And from there, your presence becomes a gift—not because you’re flawless, but because you’re real. You're you.

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Connect With Robin

Robin Thomas is the creator of Phoenix Rising Healings, Spiritual GPS and Happiness coach, and The Human Array Catalyst.  

Her work embodies the shift that happens when we stop chasing happiness and start honoring the full spectrum of who we are.

If you’re curious to explore Robin’s work or experience it for yourself, you can connect with her directly inside The Human Array — our trusted community of holistic practitioners, resources, and fellow seekers.

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More to Explore

🎧 Listen to Robin's Spotlight interview on The Great Connect podcast, or watch the live recording on YouTube.

⚡️ Explore Robin's profile and offerings inside The Human Array.

🧭 Take our free 5-min quiz to find the right next step for your unique wellbeing journey.

🗓️ Book a complimentary Wellbeing Consult to help you find clarity on your next steps for wellbeing.

🖥️ Join The Human Array (it's free!) and find the trusted resources, practitioners, and community you've been seeking.

📲 Follow along with us on Instagram:

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